pursuit of happiness (lifestory)

I recently find a lot of videos where young people share their opinion on how to live.
"Never give up doing what you're passionate about!" That's most of the videos message and that message dug itself deep into my believe.

I am so convinced that living your life to the full means pursuing your dreams to come to reality.
This whole thought made me do things I would never have thought of and keeps me thinking of new ways to go and to finally reach the goals I set for myself.
But God took me a long way to get here where I am today!

I grew up in a typical christian family. Praying before meals, be a nice person, don't do that and don't do that. I am the fourth boy of five, which means I had three brothers to look up to and one to stick with and to be together with as much as I could. I loved this, because I always knew how things went at school or everywhere else. I wanted to be as cool as them and so my desire to stick out of the "normal" crowd was there all the time.

I always wanted to be mature, like my brothers. I always wanted to be good in something, like my brothers. I always wanted to do what they did and I didn't want to be just a child.
So school was quite lame for me. It was all about learning and learning. I only went to school, to stay safe and be like my brothers, smart and awesome.

Then I came to a point to decide what to do after school and since I was a quite christian kid I went to youth group, because that's where you meet the other christian kids you usually hang out with and it was the place where I could start playing music and where I truely got to know a bit about God and all these things. I asked for prayer that God would tell me clearly where to go, but I didn't expect it. Failures and bad circumstances made my believe to be at the level of little above 0. I knew God could pull it of, but he would actually not really do that because he always did what I never wanted and expected.

To make a long story short, he answered in a quite clear way... I went to do something called a "Discipleship-Training-School" what is like a school to learn how to live in a good christian fashion.
I wanted to be the best and I always wanted to stand out, so I kept asking and I kept pursuing this dream to become the best. I wanted to learn how to heal, to prophecy or what ever you can think of...
Quite cool, ey?

But it actually changed me. It all changed me into someone seeking ways to get things done, to train better, to be more precise in the "words God spoke" to me for others...
Don't get me wrong, I truely learned a lot there, to work for my dreams, to do the bad jobs as well as the good ones, or to not think only about myself and so on.

It all changed me into a religious person. I saw ministry as work. I saw it as something to achieve something and gain favor from God. I did good because I wanted God to be happy about me to send me nice gifts I could enjoy to reach my goals, but I didn't saw what was truely important in all of that...

My own ministry went down because I couldn't finance my fulltime job as a missionary and so I had to find something new. All my dreams broke down like a card house.
I was searching, but I never found. I was seeking but it all turned cold again.
What wasthis God thinking? Have I been a bad person to fail like this?

I was starting to sense, that it all was about me, not about God. Jesus was giving me a lesson in how he wanted me to be. I started realising, that I was seeking a dream copied from others, that I was going the ways others went before, that I was trying soo hard that I truely would have missed something on the road.

My parents came to my help at a very crucial time. It was the time where I started getting to know my true self. They supported me so that I could go to an amazing school where I would learn about who I really am and what I really always wanted AND I learned about the most amazing one that changed my life!

I learned about Jesus! The true one and his works and his ways and everything about Him. Why he did all this to himself and what all of that means for me now. He truely lives in me! He will never leave me! He lives through me! He guides my way! He protects me! He is my strength! He is my comfort! He is my happiness!

Jesus is the fulfilling of my dreams! Jesus did everything for me to make my life absolutely amazing!
He took everything away that should have bothered me before! He made me see that this life is made by Him for me to enjoy, and only enjoy!
He took EVERYTHING bad away for me, the only thing I have to do is belive!

When I look back now, half a year gone already, I can see that I didn't understand what "to belive" really means. I can belive when every part of my being rejoices for the things that are about to come because of what is!
I belive, that Jesus lives throught me, that love lives through me now! It means, that I rejoice for the time where I can share this love with everyone I meet.
In other words: I rejoice in every day that is going to be without sin anymore, because love rules!

Because of that believe, that you can see in the rejoicing of your soul, the kingdom of God becomes reality in your life. It is true, you won't sin, because sin was defeated at the cross!
Only we become unsure about it and stop beliveing, we will come back into our bad habits.

One last thing:
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Find out what believe really means and you will see the amazingness of God more and more!

This is an amazing journey we all can be on together! Let's see where God wants to take us!
Enjoy it! Enjoy.
K

Let's worship

While writing the last post, I saw that the topic of worship is absolutely linked to the last one.

I was asked a couple of times to lead worship at some places, but I always said that I don't do this kind of worship anymore. Maybe it's time to explain you why.

I'm living in a relationship with Jesus and in this relationship I want to be truely myself.

I always thought, that I truely worship Jesus through playing guitar and singing songs.

Well I still love to do that, but I haven't found a way, yet, to lead people in this new style of worship I discovered.

Jesus loves me, takes care of me. He truely made my life absolutely awesome and showed me that I don't have to worry anymore and that I can be who I truely am.

I would say that worship comes from the heart and I think that worship can take place everywhere to everytime and even can be there for a very long time and I'm talking about months or years.

Worship is the outpouring of hearts for someone. It means it can't be created, it can't be prepared.
Worship happens!

Jesus lead me through the darkest times to show me religion and finally he brought me to a true relationship.

I think that worship is brought to Jesus out of pure love that is developing through realising and believing who God is and what he has done and then the whole container overflows with love and this will happen in the way you feel it. You WILL not care about what others think, you WILL just worship.
Worship is overflow and nothing else!

You can't worship without being full with love for Jesus...
...but I can release you! You don't have to, because Jesus loved you first and always will!

It's not our duty to love and worship God!

He just said: belive in meand what I've done!

Worship happens! And it happens, the way you are.

When you are happy about Gods creation, worship is there, because you give him praise through your feelings. When you play guitar, and what ever you play, worship is there, because you do something God created you for, using your God given gifts.

Worship happens, where you are who you truely are, because that's how God made you...

...and you are made perfectly, awesome, beautiful, nice, kind... everything good you can think of.

(I think there is another topic... Identity, but that's for another post)

Truely worship is something you can't make up. It's something, that comes from inside of you true being.
Get to know and believe God and you will overfolw.

In this way... Enjoy.

Well, it's about life or death!

I recently had an amazing conversation.
It was all about believing. Living on the right side and all that stuff.
This one is for all those who have hard times to believe that the life on the bright side is the right thing to do and actually even more than this... :)

I just want to give you a picture that's quite drastic...
Think of the two sides, the Devils side and Jesus side... sounds like a lot you heared before...
But I bring this to the top of it!
You have to decide in your life where you want to be, on the dark side or on the bright side.
But here is this:

This decision shouldn't be that hard if you're looking at these two ways to live.

You can decide to live in fear, terror, pain, hard situations and just desert all the time which is the life you live in darkness. It's pure pain. It is death, the absence of happiness. It's a life that never will feel complete.

And...
You can decide to live in happiness with Christ inside of you. Jesus living right through you, as a son of God, pure and holy. Living in the state of complete forgiveness grants you the possibility to live in everlasting life.
Life is not the thing you do on this earth. Life is to live in completion, without any fear that will break you down or living in happiness that will NEVER be taken away from you.

I think you get that this decision is actually pretty easy if you look at it this way.

But how does all that happiness work?
Well, there will be no 10 point plan I will give you, it's just about beliving, trusting in the sacrifice, the grace of God and your identity you have since the day of salvation.

God is absolutely happy to be with you all the time of your life, he can't be taken away from you. The curtain, that separated us from the holy of holies, was cut after Jesus was crucified, which means the holy of holies is open for everyone, which is the presence of God.
When we start to BELIVE he turely gives the best for us, we can live without fear.
We will live a life without worries, because the one who cares about us is God, the crator of the universe.
When we believe all this and live inside of this knowledge we will get happy and worship God more and more. We will be truely happy when we truely stop looking on our dayly problems and start believing that Jesus cares and that EVERYTHING we are going through is for our best, we wil stop having headaches.

Even when we forget something, or we do something wrong, Jesus takes care of us! What a relief!!!!!!

You see, this is why I belive in Jesus and I'm already starting to ban bad thoughts and habits from my life, because I see that it's worth living in joy made by Jesus!
This joy will increase every day, get ready!

In this way... enjoy.

Art and the way we live

Hey there,
Just recently I started my studies for a creative job and for me as someone who lives with christ in an art environment, I am confronted with lots of questions.
In wich way can I live my creative lifestyle that God loves it? How should I implement my believes?

I have always been a creative person and I needed something like writing, drawing or music to express myself. I needed it to let it out. Sometimes I just wanted to draw some cool creatures or I wanted to scream in a metal band, but there was always the thought of not fitting into Gods thoughts there. I thought he wouldn't like what I'm doing.

These last weeks gave me a lot of time to think about it agiain, again and again.
I came to one interesting point... Let's look at art itself. What is the nature oft art?
Art is expression of the things we experience, that we see, dream or feel.
God is the first ever artist to me. He created it because he wanted to share and he loved us soo much and made us perfect (or does God make any failures :) ). He was and is expressing his love and joy for us through all the cool things on earth, think of these crazy skies that always change and have the most crazy formed clouds in it, or look at sparkling snow in the sun and soooo much more.
He made it for us to enjoy it or feel as well. Art makes us come alive sometimes or gives us interesting perspectives at things.

I use my art to release my fantasies, the thoughts spinning in my head, making me think too much.
All the good and bad thoughts need to be released, because I am somebody who feels the urge to share.
I don't need to necesserily show it to others, but the release comes by putting it into art form.

So my art will look the way I experience things, or the way my thoughts look like to me. It can be that you may see a picture that looks totally dark, or evil and then there is this next one totally beautiful and warm.
And there is the point where I always struggled.
Can I really draw that, what I feel like drawing right now? Can I scream because it feels right to scream it into the world to give it more power? Or is all that something evil, God doesn't like...

I thought about this quite a long time, because I always heared the thoughts about this kind of art. "Well maybe there is the devil inside..." or "Does that reflect Gods personality?"
Well I totally found out, that at this point it's not about God at all. It's about me and my feelings, experiences, thoughts. It's about my special way of living, my special way of enjoying or disliking. It's about expressing MYSELF.
I totally believe that God wants us to be real and that's why he wants us to also pour out our heart on paper, scream our loungs out to shout a message into this world or do what ever we like to do to express our innerest beeing, the point we are standing at right now.

In art, it's not about wrong or right, it's about yourself and only yourself. be authentic in your art, but of course also in your daily life, because that's what God wants from you. Don't let anyone tell you, the way you express is wrong.

I see so many people trying to be something they are not, especially in church, because we often tend to put the devil into things, that are actually amazing parts of this special perfect made individual.

I could say these next sentences a thousand times:
When the personal way of yours, to express yourself, feels natural and just flows out of you, then NEVER EVER let this be taken away from you!
Don't let others judgement change the art you bring.

Doing something for God?

Something really interesting came up to me the last couple of weeks. I was talking to many young people about life and future. Sometimes I felt it, the hopelessness. Finding the meaning of your own life can be so tearing. There are so many possibilities in our time, many different ways we can go and the support of other shrinks, because they are busy on their own. It's all about being busy, doing something, otherwise you're worthless, is that so?

I think that's something that makes us stay in this rushing mood all of our life and that's what makes us miss the real joy. You see God really longs for your heart! I don't mean that he likes being with you some days, I mean he is jealous. I think he is the most jealous person ever, but it's not that jealousy that breaks the other person involved. He wants you to feel, enjoy and take part of his glory and love.
He wants to give you from his amazing wealth, but we always try to drag us out of the swamp on our own...
That's the deserts we face, when we try to get out on our own, when we put all our strengh into something that God could change with the snip of his finger, instantly powerful.

I think God is not looking for people who work for him, but he is looking for people who love him.
Compare this to a real good friendship you have. When you love a person you do things for him/her easily, not because you have to, but you want to and that's the way Jesus wants you to do things. Can you really say that you want to do all the things you do freely or is it the voice inside you telling you when you don't do it, you will be a bad friend...
Where lies our focus here? Do we try to be a good friend to God, or do we let Jesus love us and out of fulfillment comes the loving him?
He loved us first! He gives us the strength to love him. We will never bring Jesus to love us, or give us anything. He will give it out of love in the times of intimacy, in these time you recognize him alone. He is here, always!

How do we let Him love us, you might ask. It's quite simple! Enjoy!
It's about enjoying Gods eternal presence, the glory that's here already. The things he already gave us in this world. We really should enjoy his creation.
The cool thing about enjoying something is, that we will never be able to make ourselves to enjoy!
Well, but that's the only way we will truely be able to serve God out of love...

Haha, you see, there will be no way we can do something in this world on our own. Freedom is given to us in the times we enjoy HIM! Works will be set free out of a stage of completely enjoying HIM! Finances, possibilities to do something, fulfillment of our dreams will come out of enjoying HIM!
We can't do a thing for all that! He wants to give, but we don't get it. We think, that we will get more out of working for HIM...
Just enjoy HIS amazingness, awesomeness, beauty, wealth, or whatever you can think of he is.
HE IS GOOD!

Exhale

It cuts, It cuts this situation aching, silence is violence
thoughts dying out like planets with no rain

It is so strange, where does all the water go
I remember the temper I had
when I stood up to shout out
no words just expression,
the session of letting it out

A poet with no words,
A poet of inside cries
to tell the world out there
to look out where we all started
the part where we once were
in real silence, no violence at all
The peace we denied, still seeking
seeking the eyes we once saw.

I fight, I FIGHT with my eyes
who tell me these lies
tell me: you don't
you won't ever delight
in the light of creations creator again.

The air to inhale
no fighting, no sleeping to dream
of what we ALREADY HAVE!

And it lasts...
the picture of home
Alone
I can't remember at least
a color, but the emotional feast

And it lasts...
remembering the fantasies
that are no fantasies at all!

I sit, I cry, no longer I lie
to myself, we mess it up ourselves.
But we can make it beautiful
by giving this dream
to all those insightful.
to make it explode
the thought  of constant pain.
There is gain from everyone!

Look to the skies
Look to the skies
His eyes are upon us

inhale the cries
exhale the lies
spit them out
'cause we all dream of one thing alive

Let's look to the son
we can stand as one
and sing till all pain is gone
Alive is the son
we can stand as one
and sing till all pain is gone!

Express yourself!

Express yourself!

What burns inside of my heart is young people and their identity. I see that many kids loose the mirror. I don't mean the one in the morning, to make yourself ready for the day, I mean the one that happens every day inside of our hearts. The look that reveals our deepest dreams and passions, the one that makes us who we really are.

Kids loose their selfs through TV, Games or other things, turning their gaze to something that would be great to be, away from the way to express what they already are. It happens when people aren't encouraged enough to be who they actually are, where people miss to understand that everyone is a huge and spectacular gem with one special way to be. It happens where there is absolutely no one, or not the knowledge of someone who loves them unconditionally. It's acceptance that helps us to develope our individual way to think and live.

I want to be a tool for God to speak his absolute love into other people, through the way I normally live, releasing this love Jesus gave me, everywhere I go!

my Vision

I want to have the possibility to give young people every opportunity they need to release the beauty inside of their own hearts. It means, I want to be able to show a variety of ways to express, like ART, MUSIC and SPORTS.

I want to build a stage and family like enviornment for young people, to help them grow a high level of confidence in their own God given identity. This place should be a catalyst to selfknowledge and selfrespect.

How is this going to look like?

Everytime I think about it I just get the impression of the natural way of being a role model in an natural, accepting enviornment. It means a place where people just live a "normal" life, inviting and accepting people to join this bunch of friends.

It's a place where people do what they usually do, but with the slight difference of allowing people to join.

This needs groups, institutions, companies... with enough courage to step out of a hardcore business oriented way into an accepting, leading, facilitating... enviornment.
That needs a "role model company"-thing, to show it's possible and actually absolutely helping the developement of peoples skills, but as well the business possibilities, because this is where specialists rise!

For me

This is how I want my life to look like, sharing, facilitating developement and in the end seeing this huge joy being released in people.

I'm not writing you this, so you can read it, to just like it, but this should help you to think about how you see your life. What is important to you? How can that look like?

Write it down, make it for you to reach and to think about it to make it develope, because it's always changing, on and on.

It helps to share your passions.

Passions released means passions in others torched.

I hope my idea spreads, because this is active love that can change sooo much!

I love this life.

I am here in my room trying to remember what I just went through.
Complete independency from every thing around. Not even close to thinking „what do the others think of me“, or something like this.
I was just free, and still I am. This beauty that God is taking me through is just breathtaking. I never experienced something like this, because I always tried to fullfill the ways of the world.
I am not trying to do what they tell me, but I will do what I really want...
When I want to change something, I need to do something about it and it is not difficult anymore, because it‘s my passion.
I can‘t redeem the world more than how God already  did.
He is the source of freedom and we try to put it into boxes and limit Gods freedom, because we desperatly try to understand how he is doing it, so we can redeem ourselfes.
This is so ridiculous! We really don‘t need to do anything anymore, we just need to follow.
Nothing can break us anymore, nothing can move us anymore, because all the ways we feel is just answeres of the body, but the way we answer to it is the point where it gets tricky.
What is that feeling about, we just felt... what is that reaction about, we just had...

Everything we do now on this earth is, to get to know ourselfes and God.
What pleases him.
It‘s not something we HAVE to do, but something we WANT to do. We are completely free from all these, „we have to this“ „ we must do that“.
The only thing we have to is rest... doesn‘t sound that hard, ha?

We love him, that is the reason why we act... out of love to him!
We don‘t act because we want to earn his love! That would never even work in any way!
Because we have the knowledge of what he did for us, we will move.
When we don‘t we won‘t and we shouldn‘t, because that‘s what the law‘s about!

Everything, and I mean everything, that is not based on the foundament of love, is sin! :D
Sounds harsh, but it is soooo easy.
Because this is how a relationship works.
We get to know someone, we meet with him/her to get to know this person. Out of that we have affection for this person and this is where the action is born. We have the wish to make this person happy and to make him/her have a nice day or what ever we yould imagine!
But it‘s all our joy, nothing made up, or something we put over our faces like masks. It‘s something pure and lovely.

We really need to think about all these words that people told us and what they mean in the context of the bible. Out of that we get a new understading of what this Gopsel really means. We will understand, that God is always happy and so it means, he doesn‘t need us to be happy. But we love to make him smile, because we love him.
God is always happy and this means, even our deepest failure doesn‘t change anything he is.
He is pure loveing, righteous ... all these things how he is like!

What does that anger of God means?
Ok, now we need to think of time here...
We all know, that God became angry on the Isrelites because they failed to walk in the steps of the law.
He punished them and showed them all the consequences that come out of that law he gave them.

Now let us think to this glorious day, where Jesus went to the cross.
What did he do there?
He died for the sins he never admitted. He died because of us. He died to pay the price that we should pay.
We were a sinful creature. This day he took all the sins. I say that again, all these sins!
So this means also all the wrath God could pour out on us, actually he took all of Gods wrath at this time at the cross. In the graden where he prayed and was swetting blood, he knew what was ahead of him, that he would take the wrath of God, for all the people who walked, walk and will walk on this earth.

So what does that say to us... Gods anger is gone, we are free.

Now we would think, that we need to take care about ourselfes, to not sin again.
But he actually took the sin of all time, means everytime we sin it‘s taken away.
We could think about doing what ever we like. Jeah that is true, but not in the way the world would see it.
When we really believe in what I just wrote about, we won‘t be able to sin anymore, because we know this God and we wouldn‘t even think of the idea to start sinning again.
Am I saying, that we are able to never sin again? Ohhhhhh YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But why do we still do it... Because we don‘t know him yet, that well, that we are so far to never hurt him again. In this we realy need to understand, that we don‘t have to go crazy on getting to know him and try to make ways out of this to get to know him, and when we do this we will get this...
God isn‘t working like this. He has no method. We only can get to know him really easy, when we just are who we are, when we don‘t try to pretend to be holy or something like this.
We are free, we are crazy and when we talk to him, we can ask him to show us what we want to understand, or what we wnat to know from him. He will answer, but we should expect something we haven‘t expected.

That is what praying, talking to God is about! It‘s not about talking about us, we can do this sure!
I think everybody needs that to talk about him/herself to share how we are feeling, but I think also, that God wants to share who he is.
And again, we should not make a method out of how he speaks... That‘s not who he is. He will talk in a way you can understand. We don‘t have to fight that he is talking to us. He already talks and talks and talks, all the time. I think we would freak out, because he is talking so much, just kidding, we would be amazed by what he is talking to us.

Everything‘s gonna be alright!
That should be our motto. Everyday, we can say that and we will freak out, what this is going to change in our whole lifestyle. Because he is making everything for our good!
Even the hardest things become easy when we don‘t start worrying about how it should have been or what this whole situation is going to look like. It is said and done, everything‘s gonna be alright!
We don‘t have to suffer anymore, we don‘t have to worry, we don‘t even have to care about the next day, because he loves us so.

I think one think is nice to know, that we can take our responsibility in all the areas of our lifes. That is what makes him proud, but when we try to do it without him... then we are going to see, that everything‘s gonna be alright then! He is there and catches us when we try to go our own way! :)

This God is so amazing! We do noe everything we do, only because we want to praise him, from the bottom of our heart! (don‘t try to praise him from the bottom of your heart, you will fail, but if you don‘t try you will for sure do it!)

Again, you can ask, you can write!
I love you guys!

Was ist wirklich wichtig?

Ich stelle mir fragen über mich.
Wer bin ich? Wo komm ich her? Wo gehe ich hin?
Die Zeit zu ergründen ist eines meiner liebsten Hobbies.
Tag für Tag zu sehen, was kann morgen kommen.

Ich blicke zur Seite und sehe den Spiegel,
doch sehe ich nicht mich sondern ein Kreuz.
Erinnerungen kommen mir zurück.
Was bedeutet es?

Stimmt! Immer schon wollte ich es endlich verstehen.
Nicht so mit meinen Gedanken, das hatte ich schon als ich klein war,
als meine Eltern mich darin lehrten, warum ich denn nun leben kann.
Nein! Mit meinem Herzen will ich verstehen was es heißt!

Zu erst erscheint der Vater,
Gott, der Schöpfer.
Er war es der mich als sein Kind erschaffen hat,
dem er sein Erbe geben will.

Dann ist da der Heilige Geist,
er spricht die Worte, die ich ohne ihn nicht verstehen könnte
die des Vaters.
Die, die mir Kraft geben und mit denen ich kämpfe.

Schlussendlich ist da Jesus.
Er hängt am Kreuz... Warum?
Er ist mein Freund, er hat ALLES gegeben dafür, dass ich lebe!
Man wieso hab ich das noch nie gesehen...
Er lebt und ich schulde ihm mein Leben dafür, dass er meins vor meiner Sünde gerettet hat.
Das ist ein echter Freund, er hat mein Leben gerettet.

Aber was mache ich damit?

Der Vater:
Ich sollte mich echt mehr als Königssohn verhalten.
Manieren haben beim Essen, naja,
vielmehr noch darauf achten, wie ich meinen Vater repräsentiere!

Der Heilige Geist:
Ich sollte ihm echt mehr Zeit gönnen zu reden.
Von ihm bekomme ich ja hier alles, was ich auf der Erde zum Leben brauche.
Und vor allem höre ich die Worte meines Vaters, die mir gut tun sollen.
Ich sollte darauf hören und anfangen mich zu verhalten als einer, der die Gaben des Himmels bekommen hat.
Der Heilige Geist ist schließlich der Beweis für Gottes Kraft, ich sollte ihr also bewusst sein und sie einsetzen!

Der Freund:
Ich sollte Jesus echt mein Leben geben...
Ich schulde es ihm ja eigentlich!
Man, er hat mein Leben gerettet!
Ich kann es noch gar nicht fassen...
Ich glaube, das ist es mir echt Wert!
Ich will mein Leben Jesus widmen und davon erzählen, was für ein guter Freund er ist!
Er ist am Leben, also könnte jeder auch mit ihm befreundet sein.
Ich glaub ihm würde das auch Spaß machen.

Ich glaube ich sollte echt mehr darüber nachdenken, wer dieser Gott eigentlich ist
und was für echt interessante Eigenschaften er hat.
Ich sollte ihn echt löchern mit Fragen,
vielleicht lässt er mich ja verstehen.
Ich glaube es ist Zeit ihm den Platz zu geben, den er eigentlich haben sollte, in meinem Leben.
Er sollte Nummer 1 sein!

Zu Hause

Wenn ich dir sagen sollt, was für mich zu Hause heißt,

dann wirst du mich falsch verstehen.

Alles was du kennst ist nicht das was ich dir erzählen würde,

denn Augen sehen dieses zu Hause nicht.

Es ist das was in unseren kühnsten Träumen passiert,

das was unsere größten und schönsten Vorstellungen übertrifft.

Der Gedanke, der unsere Gedankenwelt sprengt.

Letztendlich ist es doch da und so natürlich für uns.

Wir haben unseren Blick davon entfernt.

Wir können nicht sehen, was für eine Farbenpracht in uns ist.

Wir sahen es, doch die Amnesie zerstörte den Gedanken,

unser Gefühl bleibt dennoch bestehen.

Wir sehnen uns nach dem Ort der besser ist,

Der Raum in dem wir keine Bedenken haben werden.

Wir sehnen uns nach der Perfektion dessen was wir schon immer sahen.

Das Real zu den Projektionen unserer Welt.

Mein zu Hause ist nicht die Gedankenwelt,

nichts Imaginäres nenne ich mein Heim.

Es ist in der Unendlichkeit geschrieben.

"Meet your maker!"

Schau dich um, suche die leuchtenden Schatten,

gehüllt in Licht, nicht düster, noch grau.

Fühle die Luft, erfüllt von Melodie und Klang,

das ungewohnte und doch bekannte Gefühl.

Sieh die Farben des Meers, glitzernd wie Kristall,

sieh die goldenen Strahlen von purer Energie,

ungetrübt, nicht durch den Filter der Wolken

und doch sind sie da, so klar und herrlicher als zuvor.

Alles erblasst wenn du in die Mitte schaust,

wenn du die Augen erblickst die dem Erschaffer gehören.

Wenn die Blicke sich treffen und dein Herz zerbricht,

wenn du realisierst: "Was ich verstand, war die spitze des Eisbergs!"

Dein Herz stockt, nicht vor Schmerz, der ist vergangen.

Deine Augen können sich nicht wenden, sie sind fokussiert.

Du verstehst in den Sekunden die du nicht wahr nahmst,

Es ist vorbei! Ich bin frei!

und die Erinnerung kehrt zurück,

das ist der Ort an dem ich geboren wurde,

an dem ich meinen Namen bekam

und an dem ich zu Hause bin

Zusammenfassung

Die Tage sind gezählt,
Tage vergingen, Monate strichen dahin
und aus einem kurzen Aufenthalt wurden Jahre im Kampf.

Der Blick zurück fällt mir schwer,
zu viel Leid habe ich durch mein Leben geschleppt
und wäre fast daran zerbrochen.

Eine Hoffnung war es die mich weiter gehen ließ
Der Blick in die Unendlichkeit,
der Blick nach Hause.

Ich schaute dennoch auf Müllberge,
auf meinen See an ungeweinten Tränen,
oder auf die Fäuste die sich nie entfachten.

Ewigkeit
schlaflos
warten

Es war die Erinnerung die mich hielt.
Der Augenschlag und doch eingebrannte Gedanke:
"Ich werde ihn sehen!"

Es ist vorbei!
Gehalten zu sein ist ein grausames Gefühl,
deshalb werde ich fliegen!

Ja, fliegen!
Nicht um etwas hinter mir zu lassen,
um zu sehen, was ER daraus gemacht hat.

Jahre werden zu Monaten,
Monate zu Wochen,
Ungewissheit, aber keine Angst!

Das Leben ist in mir und es bricht durch den Teer,
Flügel aus Vertrauen,
die wahre Freiheit zu genießen.

Wochen werden zu Tagen,
Auf und nieder, der Feuerball
und das Ziel strahlt klar.